Wednesday 31 March 2010

Underpants

Dear Reverend,
The colour of underpants is always a big issue and many a Ninja has deliberated over the subject. The situation really will dictate the answer to this.
Are you conducting or officiating at the wedding?
Are you getting married?
Are you carrying out a hit at a wedding?
Underpants should always match the rest of your outfit unless you want the underpants themselves to make a statement or impact. There is nothing worse than having your cover in darkness blown by a pair of bright yellow glowing underpants still visible beneath your black hakama or chosen disguise. Likewise underpants are an important part of any ninja outfit, as it can be equally disruptive to have your tackle swaying freely under loose clothing whilst you try to scale a barbed wire fence.
My personal choice would be not to let the guests know you will be attending, which can be accomplished by simply not returning the RSVP invitation. However since you will have received a wedding invitation in the post (or even more stupidly sent out invitations to your own wedding with your address on) the happy couple (or invitees) now know where you live. You are therefore duty bound, of course to slip into the wedding under cover of darkness, cut the lights and slaughter everyone in the room in a wedding crasher festival of ninja death, before making a quick getaway over the rooftops.
So really it doesn't matter what colour underpants you wear as nobody (hopefully) will see them.
Yes devoted ninja fan. Chuck Norris does indeed kick ass. Now what was your question?...

Saturday 14 November 2009

Dear Anonymous,
Yes, this is an uncomfortable position to be in with two enemies facing you at the same time, attacking from different directions. The key here is to take them both out simultaneously, quickly and silently so that they do not alert any other sentries. When they attack one of them will be a fraction quicker than the other, concentrate on this one, or if the attack is simultaneous then concentrate on one of them. use your posture to manipulate yourself in line with both, putting the first assailant between you then take them out with a combination of arm locks, knee strike and throat slashes. Finally silence both with a blow to the carotid artery and make your escape under cover of darkness.
        Anonymous said... 
 
Dear Ninja Banker, I have just accepted a position with a new company, but before I could hand in my resignation my boss approached me and offered me a promotion. The promotion will mean a better position within my company and longer term rewards, the other job will mean more money but in a smaller company with fewer promotion prospects. Finally when I am offered a step up on the management ladder I find myself in this position. What should I do?

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